Fourteen years

Fourteen years ago I was living in a whole other world. I was so young, so unsure of myself and so single. I left an abusive relationship to protect my baby. This little baby changed the course of my entire life. He is my hero! He gave me strength when I had none. I did not have the strength to leave on my own but I could do it for my son.

This year I feel so very overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the events of my life that have led me here. Justin coming into my life was probably one of the single most important events of my life. Although his life hasn't been easy, I am grateful that he is my son. I believe that the more work we put into something the more we treasure it. Justin has pushed me to my very limits. I have found more strength in myself by being his mother. I love him so very much and wish him the best of birthdays!!

Bed time favorites

I (for the most part) love reading my kids bed time stories. And there are a few that come and go, but in our house there are a few favorites that we read over and over. So much so that I usually just use the books so the kids can look at the pictures, I know the words by heart. Both of these books I have read to all of my kids. They have been a reliable constant for the kids all through their lives.

Today I was reading to Reid for bed time and I had a memory of me reading the same beloved books to Justin and Mckay when they were very little.
I would have to do bed time by myself because David was working nights at the time. We would sit on the floor against the wall. Mckay would sit in my lap, and Justin would sit very close beside me. We would usually start with "Are you my mother", and by the time I was half way through "A fly went by" Mckay would be asleep. Very rarely would he make through both books. I remember Justin's little voice as he would name the animals that were chasing the fly.
I think now as my kids are getting older and we are entering teenage-hood there are somethings that I would love to hang onto to remind me that they were cute once and these books are it. I love these books and will treasure them as a major part of my kids childhood.


"I sat by the lake, and looked at the sky, and as I looked a fly went by"

Please share if you have books like these that you love to read to your babies.


This last little while has been hard as I have been in pain almost constantly and sometimes it is hard to be happy about much. Today I have some relief and feel like I need to follow suit with a friends blog and mention a few things I am grateful for.

~I am grateful for friends who get it

~I am grateful for friends who make me laugh so hard I pee .... I mean cry

~I am also starting to be grateful for physio... he makes me cry (it's a good thing he is kind of cute) but he is making me better and better is good

~and lastly I am grateful that bedtime went smoothly tonight

Just keep thinking of summer

Today I am doing my best to forget that there was snow in the forecast for this morning and just be grateful that it's still just raining. But really this summer we have had way too many cold, dark, wet days and today is no different. So I'll talk a little about what we did do this summer on the few warm days that we had.

When we went to Cardston to visit my parents, I wanted to take David to Waterton. We never in our 13 years of marriage have managed to get to Waterton so I was determined rain or shine I was taking him this year! The weather was supposed to be cold and rainy but we packed up the kids and went anyway. When we got there it was like the clouds parted just for us and the sun was shinning and it actually got hot for a while. I was so happy for the beautiful day. The kids were a little bent out of shape that I didn't take shorts along just in case but I let them play in the lake jeans and all!!

We had a great time just walking around and enjoying the mountains and the beauty that is Waterton.








So instead of looking out my windows at the rain and cursing my back for letting me know winter is coming by it's constant shots of pain, I will just look at my pictures and wait for summer to return.

Muddy Wavey

We love our new puppy! Waverly has been a great new addition to our family. She plays well with the kids. She goes outside to do her business. She sleeps well through the night, and stays well in her crate. BUT...



She loves to play in the mud. With all this rain we have been getting there is plenty of it. She comes in like this almost every time she goes outside. She is getting very used to having a bath a few times a day to get the mud off.

My girls

I have my days when I look at my kids and feel a twinge of sadness that they are growing up so fast. But not on days like this...


































My girls love to help when we are baking or even just making supper. So much so that they can pretty much do it on their own. Last night they baked ginger cookies for Grandma and Grandpa. And only made a little mess ;)

Good for my reputation

This morning as my kids were getting ready for school I got a phone call from my wonderful friend and neighbor Maria. She told me she was driving her kids to school because it was raining and if I wanted her to take my kids as well. I was very grateful to her and sent my kids out the door.
A few minutes later Maria calls me laughing hysterically. She tells me that as Abby was getting out of the car, she said;

"Thank you so much for the ride, it is good for my reputation to be seen with the teenagers."

I had no idea that my six year old HAD a reputation and that she knew that there are things you can do to improve it!

Windows Open

Justin has been one of those children that from the moment I got pregnant with him he has forced me to grow. (not just physically). When he was just two, I knew something was different. He was so happy and then in snap he was sobbing uncontrollably, biting himself and unbelievably sad and angry. His emotions were so dramatic and unstable. I cried myself to sleep many nights praying for help for this little boy.
Over the years we have been through many doctors, diagnosis and medication to try and normalize his moods and behaviors.
We had teachers that would be so willing to work with Justin and me to make is time at school a happy one. His Grade two teacher was one of them. She was so happy to see him every day! She was very huggy and lovey to him. And she always told him that she needed his help because he was such a great helper and she couldn't do it without him. He felt so important and loved there. He actually repeated grade two and got the same teacher for that year as well. She told him that she need to keep him in her class for another year because she couldn't let him go yet and she needed his help with the new grade two'ers. She focused more on his self esteem than his academics. And to this day is still Justin's favorite teacher.

After that it got harder and harder. Teachers were less willing to listen to what I said. They were the teachers and I was just the parent (with no degree). Justin would miss recesses and gym class because his homework wasn't done. He had notes coming home saying he needed to care more and make an effort in his school work. He was in trouble more and more and he was becoming more and more frustrated.

By grade five, he didn't have any friends. They had all passed him mentally, socially and emotionally. He fought me more and more about about going to school. There were days I had to physically push him out the door. During his grade five year I found a child psychiatrist that listened to what I said and was understanding. He signed Justin up for a four month program starting that next September. It was a school program that they ran out of a hospital. The classes were small (I think there was 8) and they had teachers that were trained to teacher children with learning disabilities and metal disabilities. It was great!! He was given a proper diagnosis by his doctor that worked with the kids at that school almost every day. His confidence was going way up. I couldn't even believe the amount of work HE was doing! Things were going so well, but I knew that this program would end in December and that come January, he would have to go back to "normal" school.

For the whole four months I was in meetings with teachers, principals and the school board trying to find a better program for Justin. I did not want him to be thrown into the main stream again.

Unfortunately, they told me that funding for special programing had been cut and that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that we were just going to have to make the best of it.

After the new year, Justin went back to school. This time he had a stack of paper work from the "hospital school" explaining all his limitations and giving tips on how to work with him so he can succeed. Just a few of these things were "Don't give him home work", "He has very little reading comprehension skills so verbal instructions would be best for him", and "please provide him a reader and a scribe".
He had a little aid time but nothing else and after a week and a half I could not get him to go. He felt lost and didn't know what was going on half the time and he was beginning to be bullied. He cried every day wanting to go back to the "hospital school".
I pulled him out and for the rest of that year I (very unsuccessfully) home schooled him.

Grade seven was mostly the same. I tried again to find a better program for him only to be told again that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that he needed to stay in his community school.
So I will spare you the LONG drawn out details of that year. Just know it was more fighting with teachers who were not willing to read the reports from the "hospital school". He was in trouble all time for not doing homework and not studying properly so "it's your own dang fault you got 12% on your science test"!
Then the school called social services on Justin because of his "acting out". But that is when everything changed!!!

(crying)...

The social worker came to the school and spoke to Justin and I called her later that day. After discussing many things that he disclosed to her about what was happening to him at school, she encouraged me to pull him out and she would help me find a proper program for Justin.

So in March (or April , I can't remember) I pulled him out of school yet again and spend the rest of the school year just trying to keep him busy. (Remember I had the twins then too)
I spent a lot of time on the phone with the school board and with the help of the social worker we found the PROGRAM THAT DOESN'T EXIST!! And funny enough it's in our community.

So with all frustration and anger aside, I am so unbelievably grateful that a window has finally been opened. This program is wonderful. It has just a few boys ranging from grade seven to nine. They teach the boys proper social skills, life skills and helps them gain an understanding of basic academic skills that they will need in the real world. This program is aimed at kids with high anxiety as well so they understand that a full day is a lot so it ends at 1:30.

I am sorry that this was so long, it could have been so much longer. I guess for me, I just couldn't give up on my sweet boy. He has such a good heart and he was getting so frustrated and angry that I felt like I was loosing him! I am grateful for people who invest their time in children with special needs. They have a place in this world and have so much to offer if you give them the right tools.

Oh thank goodness they're back!!

I feel like I need to start this post by expressing how much I love my kids. I love these guys so much it hurts. They love me despite my temper. They get my sarcasm and humor. They have made me grow more than I thought I ever could. And they are my everything!! AND they are back in school!!
Honestly this summer was so long/cold/boring and hard I thought I was going to loose my mind!! Today I breath a sigh of relief to see my babies go to school and just plainly have something to do.
As some of you know I have been struggling for the last two years to get Justin into a program that would allow him to be him. To be surrounded by people who understand him, and love him for who he is. People who will be patient with him and be there for him so he can learn in the best possible way he can. And for two years people would look at me like I was on crack when I would ask them if there was such a program. At the end of the last school year (after I had pulled Justin out of main stream school yet again) I made contact with the right person who pointed us in the right direction to get Justin in the right program!! So this year he starts grade eight with 8 other boys (in grades 7-9) all dealing with social anxiety and learning disabilities. They are all going at their own pace and Justin is encouraged to work and do what he can and is given the tools to succeed!! I could not be happier!! He came home today at 2pm because a full day is just too much for kids like Justin (I swear I have said that to so many of his other teachers and they just think I'm an idiot!) and the boy is so happy. I could just cry...
Oh and to make this all the more better, this program will follow Justin all the way to grade 12 so I don't have to scream at another teacher EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Here are shots of my babies, so happy to be going to school this year!!

Abby grade 2. She can't wait to talk more in french and tell everyone about her puppy!

Emma grade 4. She can't even handle how excited she is to have Mr. I! He is the coolest teacher EVER!! (ok in case you haven't guessed, these are her words)

Mckay grade 7. Is excited for school and wants to get straight A's for all of Jr High (this is a great goal that I will be more than willing to encourage) Also schools great but he just can not wait for dance to start!!

Justin grade 8 (gasp) Is so excited for school, and taking the bus and the group home (I'll explain later) and being on a bowling team.

And this is who I get to hang out with all day. We have trips to the gym for me, swimming lessons for Reid and running around the back yard with Waverly. Life is great!!