My Rant

Have you ever felt like life as we know it is not as stable as we would like to think? Have we looked at our children and REALLY thought about what they mean to us?
This Monday and Tuesday is Reede's big trial, and I am starting to feel the pressure of what that could really mean for him, for me and my family. Reede is our baby. I picked him up from the hospital when he was three days old. I have loved him and cared for him these last eighteen months as if he was my own.
Next week, our fate is no longer in our hands. It is up to the Lawyers to present the facts, and the Judge to understand, that the best thing for Reede is to stay with us. I feel that fear of the unknown, and also understand that maybe there is a plan... but what if that plan isn't the same as my plan.
I have been invited to go to the trial and have decided to go. This will be a first for me. First time in a major trial, first time seeing Reede's family. How do I feel about that? I don't know. I am scared. I feel like if i breath in too deep that I will explode! I can't bring myself to think about what would happen if the judge ruled in favor of the birth family. Although I have had nightmares about it all week.
As soon as I know anything, I will post.