Windows Open

Justin has been one of those children that from the moment I got pregnant with him he has forced me to grow. (not just physically). When he was just two, I knew something was different. He was so happy and then in snap he was sobbing uncontrollably, biting himself and unbelievably sad and angry. His emotions were so dramatic and unstable. I cried myself to sleep many nights praying for help for this little boy.
Over the years we have been through many doctors, diagnosis and medication to try and normalize his moods and behaviors.
We had teachers that would be so willing to work with Justin and me to make is time at school a happy one. His Grade two teacher was one of them. She was so happy to see him every day! She was very huggy and lovey to him. And she always told him that she needed his help because he was such a great helper and she couldn't do it without him. He felt so important and loved there. He actually repeated grade two and got the same teacher for that year as well. She told him that she need to keep him in her class for another year because she couldn't let him go yet and she needed his help with the new grade two'ers. She focused more on his self esteem than his academics. And to this day is still Justin's favorite teacher.

After that it got harder and harder. Teachers were less willing to listen to what I said. They were the teachers and I was just the parent (with no degree). Justin would miss recesses and gym class because his homework wasn't done. He had notes coming home saying he needed to care more and make an effort in his school work. He was in trouble more and more and he was becoming more and more frustrated.

By grade five, he didn't have any friends. They had all passed him mentally, socially and emotionally. He fought me more and more about about going to school. There were days I had to physically push him out the door. During his grade five year I found a child psychiatrist that listened to what I said and was understanding. He signed Justin up for a four month program starting that next September. It was a school program that they ran out of a hospital. The classes were small (I think there was 8) and they had teachers that were trained to teacher children with learning disabilities and metal disabilities. It was great!! He was given a proper diagnosis by his doctor that worked with the kids at that school almost every day. His confidence was going way up. I couldn't even believe the amount of work HE was doing! Things were going so well, but I knew that this program would end in December and that come January, he would have to go back to "normal" school.

For the whole four months I was in meetings with teachers, principals and the school board trying to find a better program for Justin. I did not want him to be thrown into the main stream again.

Unfortunately, they told me that funding for special programing had been cut and that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that we were just going to have to make the best of it.

After the new year, Justin went back to school. This time he had a stack of paper work from the "hospital school" explaining all his limitations and giving tips on how to work with him so he can succeed. Just a few of these things were "Don't give him home work", "He has very little reading comprehension skills so verbal instructions would be best for him", and "please provide him a reader and a scribe".
He had a little aid time but nothing else and after a week and a half I could not get him to go. He felt lost and didn't know what was going on half the time and he was beginning to be bullied. He cried every day wanting to go back to the "hospital school".
I pulled him out and for the rest of that year I (very unsuccessfully) home schooled him.

Grade seven was mostly the same. I tried again to find a better program for him only to be told again that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that he needed to stay in his community school.
So I will spare you the LONG drawn out details of that year. Just know it was more fighting with teachers who were not willing to read the reports from the "hospital school". He was in trouble all time for not doing homework and not studying properly so "it's your own dang fault you got 12% on your science test"!
Then the school called social services on Justin because of his "acting out". But that is when everything changed!!!

(crying)...

The social worker came to the school and spoke to Justin and I called her later that day. After discussing many things that he disclosed to her about what was happening to him at school, she encouraged me to pull him out and she would help me find a proper program for Justin.

So in March (or April , I can't remember) I pulled him out of school yet again and spend the rest of the school year just trying to keep him busy. (Remember I had the twins then too)
I spent a lot of time on the phone with the school board and with the help of the social worker we found the PROGRAM THAT DOESN'T EXIST!! And funny enough it's in our community.

So with all frustration and anger aside, I am so unbelievably grateful that a window has finally been opened. This program is wonderful. It has just a few boys ranging from grade seven to nine. They teach the boys proper social skills, life skills and helps them gain an understanding of basic academic skills that they will need in the real world. This program is aimed at kids with high anxiety as well so they understand that a full day is a lot so it ends at 1:30.

I am sorry that this was so long, it could have been so much longer. I guess for me, I just couldn't give up on my sweet boy. He has such a good heart and he was getting so frustrated and angry that I felt like I was loosing him! I am grateful for people who invest their time in children with special needs. They have a place in this world and have so much to offer if you give them the right tools.

Oh thank goodness they're back!!

I feel like I need to start this post by expressing how much I love my kids. I love these guys so much it hurts. They love me despite my temper. They get my sarcasm and humor. They have made me grow more than I thought I ever could. And they are my everything!! AND they are back in school!!
Honestly this summer was so long/cold/boring and hard I thought I was going to loose my mind!! Today I breath a sigh of relief to see my babies go to school and just plainly have something to do.
As some of you know I have been struggling for the last two years to get Justin into a program that would allow him to be him. To be surrounded by people who understand him, and love him for who he is. People who will be patient with him and be there for him so he can learn in the best possible way he can. And for two years people would look at me like I was on crack when I would ask them if there was such a program. At the end of the last school year (after I had pulled Justin out of main stream school yet again) I made contact with the right person who pointed us in the right direction to get Justin in the right program!! So this year he starts grade eight with 8 other boys (in grades 7-9) all dealing with social anxiety and learning disabilities. They are all going at their own pace and Justin is encouraged to work and do what he can and is given the tools to succeed!! I could not be happier!! He came home today at 2pm because a full day is just too much for kids like Justin (I swear I have said that to so many of his other teachers and they just think I'm an idiot!) and the boy is so happy. I could just cry...
Oh and to make this all the more better, this program will follow Justin all the way to grade 12 so I don't have to scream at another teacher EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Here are shots of my babies, so happy to be going to school this year!!

Abby grade 2. She can't wait to talk more in french and tell everyone about her puppy!

Emma grade 4. She can't even handle how excited she is to have Mr. I! He is the coolest teacher EVER!! (ok in case you haven't guessed, these are her words)

Mckay grade 7. Is excited for school and wants to get straight A's for all of Jr High (this is a great goal that I will be more than willing to encourage) Also schools great but he just can not wait for dance to start!!

Justin grade 8 (gasp) Is so excited for school, and taking the bus and the group home (I'll explain later) and being on a bowling team.

And this is who I get to hang out with all day. We have trips to the gym for me, swimming lessons for Reid and running around the back yard with Waverly. Life is great!!

Summer stuff

One of the highlights of this summer (for me anyway) was taking the kids to my cousins farm to go riding. If anyone knows anything about Emma, Abby and Mckay is that they LOVE animals. So they were thrilled when I told them we had been invited to go!

Here are my three amigos. Abby had help at first, but it didn't take her long to get confident enough to go it alone.

Here is my little girl showing that horse who's boss! She loved it!

Even I got a little ride with Reid. He was so scared to get on (although not scared at all to be around the horses) But as soon as we got going he didn't want to stop. I was even trying to get him to say "giddy-up"!

There's my little man. His job was to keep the gate closed and smash the chain on the bars really hard! He had a good time.


FYI - Justin had a blast with two other little boys, running around the farm and looking for dead animal bones. He wasn't interested in the horses at all!

I am alive!

Truly I don't really know how to pick up after such a long time without blogging. I don't think I could ever catch you up with everything that has gone on here since the last blog entry. I could just some it up with "those were probably the hardest months I have gone through in my entire life".

The twins as most of you know are no longer with us. We are still very sad and miss them very much! I will not try and explain all the reasons why, but just know it was the hardest and best decision we have ever had to make. We know that they are happy and doing well. They will soon be coming here for visits twice a month so we can remain a part of their lives. I am very grateful for this and can not wait to see them again!

So I look forward to school starting again so I can pay more attention to things like my laundry and my blog ;) I hope to use the next few posts just catching up on our summer. Hopefuly I still have a few readers... I know it's been a long time.

Stay tuned for more...

He Stays!!

So I went to court on Monday. It was really quite scary to be in the same room as Reede's birth mom, grandma and big sister. They didn't know who I was so that was good. When I got in the court room Reede's family were in a deliberation room talking about whether they wanted to really go through another messy trial or just consent to the PGO with out a fight.... And they consented!!!! We were done before lunch!!!
I am so happy it went so well. So his visits also go from once a week at grandmas house to once a month supervised at the social workers office!
So far things are looking good. I have been told that grandma threw a fit when they started talking about us adopting Reede... so when it comes time to cross that road it might be a bit messy. But I will take what I can get for now. This is a huge step in the right direction.

My Rant

Have you ever felt like life as we know it is not as stable as we would like to think? Have we looked at our children and REALLY thought about what they mean to us?
This Monday and Tuesday is Reede's big trial, and I am starting to feel the pressure of what that could really mean for him, for me and my family. Reede is our baby. I picked him up from the hospital when he was three days old. I have loved him and cared for him these last eighteen months as if he was my own.
Next week, our fate is no longer in our hands. It is up to the Lawyers to present the facts, and the Judge to understand, that the best thing for Reede is to stay with us. I feel that fear of the unknown, and also understand that maybe there is a plan... but what if that plan isn't the same as my plan.
I have been invited to go to the trial and have decided to go. This will be a first for me. First time in a major trial, first time seeing Reede's family. How do I feel about that? I don't know. I am scared. I feel like if i breath in too deep that I will explode! I can't bring myself to think about what would happen if the judge ruled in favor of the birth family. Although I have had nightmares about it all week.
As soon as I know anything, I will post.

The cuteness that is Reede