I am alive!

Truly I don't really know how to pick up after such a long time without blogging. I don't think I could ever catch you up with everything that has gone on here since the last blog entry. I could just some it up with "those were probably the hardest months I have gone through in my entire life".

The twins as most of you know are no longer with us. We are still very sad and miss them very much! I will not try and explain all the reasons why, but just know it was the hardest and best decision we have ever had to make. We know that they are happy and doing well. They will soon be coming here for visits twice a month so we can remain a part of their lives. I am very grateful for this and can not wait to see them again!

So I look forward to school starting again so I can pay more attention to things like my laundry and my blog ;) I hope to use the next few posts just catching up on our summer. Hopefuly I still have a few readers... I know it's been a long time.

Stay tuned for more...

He Stays!!

So I went to court on Monday. It was really quite scary to be in the same room as Reede's birth mom, grandma and big sister. They didn't know who I was so that was good. When I got in the court room Reede's family were in a deliberation room talking about whether they wanted to really go through another messy trial or just consent to the PGO with out a fight.... And they consented!!!! We were done before lunch!!!
I am so happy it went so well. So his visits also go from once a week at grandmas house to once a month supervised at the social workers office!
So far things are looking good. I have been told that grandma threw a fit when they started talking about us adopting Reede... so when it comes time to cross that road it might be a bit messy. But I will take what I can get for now. This is a huge step in the right direction.

My Rant

Have you ever felt like life as we know it is not as stable as we would like to think? Have we looked at our children and REALLY thought about what they mean to us?
This Monday and Tuesday is Reede's big trial, and I am starting to feel the pressure of what that could really mean for him, for me and my family. Reede is our baby. I picked him up from the hospital when he was three days old. I have loved him and cared for him these last eighteen months as if he was my own.
Next week, our fate is no longer in our hands. It is up to the Lawyers to present the facts, and the Judge to understand, that the best thing for Reede is to stay with us. I feel that fear of the unknown, and also understand that maybe there is a plan... but what if that plan isn't the same as my plan.
I have been invited to go to the trial and have decided to go. This will be a first for me. First time in a major trial, first time seeing Reede's family. How do I feel about that? I don't know. I am scared. I feel like if i breath in too deep that I will explode! I can't bring myself to think about what would happen if the judge ruled in favor of the birth family. Although I have had nightmares about it all week.
As soon as I know anything, I will post.

The cuteness that is Reede

My first 100%

So as you know, I am in school. I am very happy that I get to redeem myself when it comes to my high school marks. I was always too busy being "cool" to care too much about what I got for marks. So now as a 31 year old I am looking at school in a whole different light, and the fact that I am getting good marks makes me so happy!!
Last week we were given a writing exam. For the exam, we had to write a letter or poem to a major historical figure.
Today we got our marks back and I received 100% and my teacher wants me to publish it! Not sure if I'll do that, but I am happy that even he thinks it's good. So this is my poem.

Dear Jesus… I am lost

Dear Jesus, From the day I was born I was taught about you.

The manger, the star, the cross, the tomb,

every part of my life, had something to do with you.

So easy it was as a child to believe.

Now, as an adult… I am lost

I was taught of miracles you performed

Healing the sick, the blind, the lame.

Feeding the hungry and raising the dead.

I was taught that you could do the same for me if I just believed…

Believe in what?

How hard do I have to believe?

And if I do believe “hard enough”… then what?

Oh, how easy it was as a child to believe,

when life wasn’t so hard.

Now as an adult… I am lost.

What was the point?

If you did do those things, how does that help us now?

My Mom says, “hunny, it’s to give us hope”…

Hope for what?

2000 years ago, you healed ten lepers.

What does that give me hope for?

How does that help me now?

As a child , the stories were beautiful,

so easy to believe.

Now as an adult … I am lost.

The world is full of

Sickness

Death

Fear

Abuse

War

Lies

Hate

Are we not believing hard enough?

Where are your miracles now?

Now that I am an adult and no longer see with the eyes of a child… I am lost

Like in all good fish stories,

The fish always gets bigger every time the story is told.

Is this how it is with you?

Were you just a man, who loved to help people?

What is story and what is true?

It’s just not that simple anymore and the fish is too big for me.

So now as an adult, what do I hang on to?

What do I believe in…

Dear Jesus… I am lost

Ukrainian Village

Ok so I am officially really busy!! I am now going to school, and still trying to balance all my other roles in life... So my blog is really far down the list of things to do. So right now I'm taking a break from homework and posting some fun pics from our family day!

Today we went to The Ukrainian Village. It was a super hot day, and we all got a little burnt. It was so fun there!! We learned about the Ukrainian people who came to Canada, and how they lived. We had a nice picnic and had a horse and cart ride.

Catching up

Here are some pictures that I took this week.

This weekend was Amelia's Blessing Day! She was so cute in her dress her grandma made. And for a baby she was a pretty good sport for pictures :) I think that will be the last of the easy photo shoots, because she is so close to crawling. So here are a few pics from that day...




Emma had a dance festival today. This was for Jazz. She has her Tap festival on Saturday. I was so proud of her! She smiled so big and danced so well. I wish I could take pictures of her on stage but I risk disqualifying her group if I do. This is her and her friend Brya, before they went on.
Ok last thing. This is what you get when you have a independent, hungry five year old, who can't find any clean cereal bowls and doesn't have a helpful Mommy...