How much do we LOVE family pictures!!!!

We finally did it! It's been three years since our last family picture was done. Family picture time is stressful for me. I stew for days before about what everyone can wear. Giving up on the fact that I can't wait until I loose a few pounds. The weather was perfect and the trees where beautiful. It was time! So I posted a few of the good ones on facebook but I wanted to share on here what we actually went through.

Every time we set up another pose Reid would RUN! We would grab him, and bribe him with candy, but he wanted nothing to do with family pictures! I am just grateful that we got a few where he wasn't screaming.

So we got the "running away" shot

We got the "I don't want your stinkin' candy" shot

We got the "Why me" shot.

This is the "you can't see me" shot

and finally the "I'm going to scream until you let me go " shot.

I ended up taking 479 pictures to try and get one worth putting on our wall, and I kid you not, MOST of them Reid is working one of these poses. I am still working on which one we are going to actually use so I won't post the perfect pose yet but it's done and please don't make me do that again for another three years!

Fourteen years

Fourteen years ago I was living in a whole other world. I was so young, so unsure of myself and so single. I left an abusive relationship to protect my baby. This little baby changed the course of my entire life. He is my hero! He gave me strength when I had none. I did not have the strength to leave on my own but I could do it for my son.

This year I feel so very overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the events of my life that have led me here. Justin coming into my life was probably one of the single most important events of my life. Although his life hasn't been easy, I am grateful that he is my son. I believe that the more work we put into something the more we treasure it. Justin has pushed me to my very limits. I have found more strength in myself by being his mother. I love him so very much and wish him the best of birthdays!!

Bed time favorites

I (for the most part) love reading my kids bed time stories. And there are a few that come and go, but in our house there are a few favorites that we read over and over. So much so that I usually just use the books so the kids can look at the pictures, I know the words by heart. Both of these books I have read to all of my kids. They have been a reliable constant for the kids all through their lives.

Today I was reading to Reid for bed time and I had a memory of me reading the same beloved books to Justin and Mckay when they were very little.
I would have to do bed time by myself because David was working nights at the time. We would sit on the floor against the wall. Mckay would sit in my lap, and Justin would sit very close beside me. We would usually start with "Are you my mother", and by the time I was half way through "A fly went by" Mckay would be asleep. Very rarely would he make through both books. I remember Justin's little voice as he would name the animals that were chasing the fly.
I think now as my kids are getting older and we are entering teenage-hood there are somethings that I would love to hang onto to remind me that they were cute once and these books are it. I love these books and will treasure them as a major part of my kids childhood.


"I sat by the lake, and looked at the sky, and as I looked a fly went by"

Please share if you have books like these that you love to read to your babies.


This last little while has been hard as I have been in pain almost constantly and sometimes it is hard to be happy about much. Today I have some relief and feel like I need to follow suit with a friends blog and mention a few things I am grateful for.

~I am grateful for friends who get it

~I am grateful for friends who make me laugh so hard I pee .... I mean cry

~I am also starting to be grateful for physio... he makes me cry (it's a good thing he is kind of cute) but he is making me better and better is good

~and lastly I am grateful that bedtime went smoothly tonight

Just keep thinking of summer

Today I am doing my best to forget that there was snow in the forecast for this morning and just be grateful that it's still just raining. But really this summer we have had way too many cold, dark, wet days and today is no different. So I'll talk a little about what we did do this summer on the few warm days that we had.

When we went to Cardston to visit my parents, I wanted to take David to Waterton. We never in our 13 years of marriage have managed to get to Waterton so I was determined rain or shine I was taking him this year! The weather was supposed to be cold and rainy but we packed up the kids and went anyway. When we got there it was like the clouds parted just for us and the sun was shinning and it actually got hot for a while. I was so happy for the beautiful day. The kids were a little bent out of shape that I didn't take shorts along just in case but I let them play in the lake jeans and all!!

We had a great time just walking around and enjoying the mountains and the beauty that is Waterton.








So instead of looking out my windows at the rain and cursing my back for letting me know winter is coming by it's constant shots of pain, I will just look at my pictures and wait for summer to return.

Muddy Wavey

We love our new puppy! Waverly has been a great new addition to our family. She plays well with the kids. She goes outside to do her business. She sleeps well through the night, and stays well in her crate. BUT...



She loves to play in the mud. With all this rain we have been getting there is plenty of it. She comes in like this almost every time she goes outside. She is getting very used to having a bath a few times a day to get the mud off.

My girls

I have my days when I look at my kids and feel a twinge of sadness that they are growing up so fast. But not on days like this...


































My girls love to help when we are baking or even just making supper. So much so that they can pretty much do it on their own. Last night they baked ginger cookies for Grandma and Grandpa. And only made a little mess ;)

Good for my reputation

This morning as my kids were getting ready for school I got a phone call from my wonderful friend and neighbor Maria. She told me she was driving her kids to school because it was raining and if I wanted her to take my kids as well. I was very grateful to her and sent my kids out the door.
A few minutes later Maria calls me laughing hysterically. She tells me that as Abby was getting out of the car, she said;

"Thank you so much for the ride, it is good for my reputation to be seen with the teenagers."

I had no idea that my six year old HAD a reputation and that she knew that there are things you can do to improve it!

Windows Open

Justin has been one of those children that from the moment I got pregnant with him he has forced me to grow. (not just physically). When he was just two, I knew something was different. He was so happy and then in snap he was sobbing uncontrollably, biting himself and unbelievably sad and angry. His emotions were so dramatic and unstable. I cried myself to sleep many nights praying for help for this little boy.
Over the years we have been through many doctors, diagnosis and medication to try and normalize his moods and behaviors.
We had teachers that would be so willing to work with Justin and me to make is time at school a happy one. His Grade two teacher was one of them. She was so happy to see him every day! She was very huggy and lovey to him. And she always told him that she needed his help because he was such a great helper and she couldn't do it without him. He felt so important and loved there. He actually repeated grade two and got the same teacher for that year as well. She told him that she need to keep him in her class for another year because she couldn't let him go yet and she needed his help with the new grade two'ers. She focused more on his self esteem than his academics. And to this day is still Justin's favorite teacher.

After that it got harder and harder. Teachers were less willing to listen to what I said. They were the teachers and I was just the parent (with no degree). Justin would miss recesses and gym class because his homework wasn't done. He had notes coming home saying he needed to care more and make an effort in his school work. He was in trouble more and more and he was becoming more and more frustrated.

By grade five, he didn't have any friends. They had all passed him mentally, socially and emotionally. He fought me more and more about about going to school. There were days I had to physically push him out the door. During his grade five year I found a child psychiatrist that listened to what I said and was understanding. He signed Justin up for a four month program starting that next September. It was a school program that they ran out of a hospital. The classes were small (I think there was 8) and they had teachers that were trained to teacher children with learning disabilities and metal disabilities. It was great!! He was given a proper diagnosis by his doctor that worked with the kids at that school almost every day. His confidence was going way up. I couldn't even believe the amount of work HE was doing! Things were going so well, but I knew that this program would end in December and that come January, he would have to go back to "normal" school.

For the whole four months I was in meetings with teachers, principals and the school board trying to find a better program for Justin. I did not want him to be thrown into the main stream again.

Unfortunately, they told me that funding for special programing had been cut and that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that we were just going to have to make the best of it.

After the new year, Justin went back to school. This time he had a stack of paper work from the "hospital school" explaining all his limitations and giving tips on how to work with him so he can succeed. Just a few of these things were "Don't give him home work", "He has very little reading comprehension skills so verbal instructions would be best for him", and "please provide him a reader and a scribe".
He had a little aid time but nothing else and after a week and a half I could not get him to go. He felt lost and didn't know what was going on half the time and he was beginning to be bullied. He cried every day wanting to go back to the "hospital school".
I pulled him out and for the rest of that year I (very unsuccessfully) home schooled him.

Grade seven was mostly the same. I tried again to find a better program for him only to be told again that NO SUCH PROGRAM EXISTED and that he needed to stay in his community school.
So I will spare you the LONG drawn out details of that year. Just know it was more fighting with teachers who were not willing to read the reports from the "hospital school". He was in trouble all time for not doing homework and not studying properly so "it's your own dang fault you got 12% on your science test"!
Then the school called social services on Justin because of his "acting out". But that is when everything changed!!!

(crying)...

The social worker came to the school and spoke to Justin and I called her later that day. After discussing many things that he disclosed to her about what was happening to him at school, she encouraged me to pull him out and she would help me find a proper program for Justin.

So in March (or April , I can't remember) I pulled him out of school yet again and spend the rest of the school year just trying to keep him busy. (Remember I had the twins then too)
I spent a lot of time on the phone with the school board and with the help of the social worker we found the PROGRAM THAT DOESN'T EXIST!! And funny enough it's in our community.

So with all frustration and anger aside, I am so unbelievably grateful that a window has finally been opened. This program is wonderful. It has just a few boys ranging from grade seven to nine. They teach the boys proper social skills, life skills and helps them gain an understanding of basic academic skills that they will need in the real world. This program is aimed at kids with high anxiety as well so they understand that a full day is a lot so it ends at 1:30.

I am sorry that this was so long, it could have been so much longer. I guess for me, I just couldn't give up on my sweet boy. He has such a good heart and he was getting so frustrated and angry that I felt like I was loosing him! I am grateful for people who invest their time in children with special needs. They have a place in this world and have so much to offer if you give them the right tools.

Oh thank goodness they're back!!

I feel like I need to start this post by expressing how much I love my kids. I love these guys so much it hurts. They love me despite my temper. They get my sarcasm and humor. They have made me grow more than I thought I ever could. And they are my everything!! AND they are back in school!!
Honestly this summer was so long/cold/boring and hard I thought I was going to loose my mind!! Today I breath a sigh of relief to see my babies go to school and just plainly have something to do.
As some of you know I have been struggling for the last two years to get Justin into a program that would allow him to be him. To be surrounded by people who understand him, and love him for who he is. People who will be patient with him and be there for him so he can learn in the best possible way he can. And for two years people would look at me like I was on crack when I would ask them if there was such a program. At the end of the last school year (after I had pulled Justin out of main stream school yet again) I made contact with the right person who pointed us in the right direction to get Justin in the right program!! So this year he starts grade eight with 8 other boys (in grades 7-9) all dealing with social anxiety and learning disabilities. They are all going at their own pace and Justin is encouraged to work and do what he can and is given the tools to succeed!! I could not be happier!! He came home today at 2pm because a full day is just too much for kids like Justin (I swear I have said that to so many of his other teachers and they just think I'm an idiot!) and the boy is so happy. I could just cry...
Oh and to make this all the more better, this program will follow Justin all the way to grade 12 so I don't have to scream at another teacher EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Here are shots of my babies, so happy to be going to school this year!!

Abby grade 2. She can't wait to talk more in french and tell everyone about her puppy!

Emma grade 4. She can't even handle how excited she is to have Mr. I! He is the coolest teacher EVER!! (ok in case you haven't guessed, these are her words)

Mckay grade 7. Is excited for school and wants to get straight A's for all of Jr High (this is a great goal that I will be more than willing to encourage) Also schools great but he just can not wait for dance to start!!

Justin grade 8 (gasp) Is so excited for school, and taking the bus and the group home (I'll explain later) and being on a bowling team.

And this is who I get to hang out with all day. We have trips to the gym for me, swimming lessons for Reid and running around the back yard with Waverly. Life is great!!

Summer stuff

One of the highlights of this summer (for me anyway) was taking the kids to my cousins farm to go riding. If anyone knows anything about Emma, Abby and Mckay is that they LOVE animals. So they were thrilled when I told them we had been invited to go!

Here are my three amigos. Abby had help at first, but it didn't take her long to get confident enough to go it alone.

Here is my little girl showing that horse who's boss! She loved it!

Even I got a little ride with Reid. He was so scared to get on (although not scared at all to be around the horses) But as soon as we got going he didn't want to stop. I was even trying to get him to say "giddy-up"!

There's my little man. His job was to keep the gate closed and smash the chain on the bars really hard! He had a good time.


FYI - Justin had a blast with two other little boys, running around the farm and looking for dead animal bones. He wasn't interested in the horses at all!

I am alive!

Truly I don't really know how to pick up after such a long time without blogging. I don't think I could ever catch you up with everything that has gone on here since the last blog entry. I could just some it up with "those were probably the hardest months I have gone through in my entire life".

The twins as most of you know are no longer with us. We are still very sad and miss them very much! I will not try and explain all the reasons why, but just know it was the hardest and best decision we have ever had to make. We know that they are happy and doing well. They will soon be coming here for visits twice a month so we can remain a part of their lives. I am very grateful for this and can not wait to see them again!

So I look forward to school starting again so I can pay more attention to things like my laundry and my blog ;) I hope to use the next few posts just catching up on our summer. Hopefuly I still have a few readers... I know it's been a long time.

Stay tuned for more...

He Stays!!

So I went to court on Monday. It was really quite scary to be in the same room as Reede's birth mom, grandma and big sister. They didn't know who I was so that was good. When I got in the court room Reede's family were in a deliberation room talking about whether they wanted to really go through another messy trial or just consent to the PGO with out a fight.... And they consented!!!! We were done before lunch!!!
I am so happy it went so well. So his visits also go from once a week at grandmas house to once a month supervised at the social workers office!
So far things are looking good. I have been told that grandma threw a fit when they started talking about us adopting Reede... so when it comes time to cross that road it might be a bit messy. But I will take what I can get for now. This is a huge step in the right direction.

My Rant

Have you ever felt like life as we know it is not as stable as we would like to think? Have we looked at our children and REALLY thought about what they mean to us?
This Monday and Tuesday is Reede's big trial, and I am starting to feel the pressure of what that could really mean for him, for me and my family. Reede is our baby. I picked him up from the hospital when he was three days old. I have loved him and cared for him these last eighteen months as if he was my own.
Next week, our fate is no longer in our hands. It is up to the Lawyers to present the facts, and the Judge to understand, that the best thing for Reede is to stay with us. I feel that fear of the unknown, and also understand that maybe there is a plan... but what if that plan isn't the same as my plan.
I have been invited to go to the trial and have decided to go. This will be a first for me. First time in a major trial, first time seeing Reede's family. How do I feel about that? I don't know. I am scared. I feel like if i breath in too deep that I will explode! I can't bring myself to think about what would happen if the judge ruled in favor of the birth family. Although I have had nightmares about it all week.
As soon as I know anything, I will post.

The cuteness that is Reede

My first 100%

So as you know, I am in school. I am very happy that I get to redeem myself when it comes to my high school marks. I was always too busy being "cool" to care too much about what I got for marks. So now as a 31 year old I am looking at school in a whole different light, and the fact that I am getting good marks makes me so happy!!
Last week we were given a writing exam. For the exam, we had to write a letter or poem to a major historical figure.
Today we got our marks back and I received 100% and my teacher wants me to publish it! Not sure if I'll do that, but I am happy that even he thinks it's good. So this is my poem.

Dear Jesus… I am lost

Dear Jesus, From the day I was born I was taught about you.

The manger, the star, the cross, the tomb,

every part of my life, had something to do with you.

So easy it was as a child to believe.

Now, as an adult… I am lost

I was taught of miracles you performed

Healing the sick, the blind, the lame.

Feeding the hungry and raising the dead.

I was taught that you could do the same for me if I just believed…

Believe in what?

How hard do I have to believe?

And if I do believe “hard enough”… then what?

Oh, how easy it was as a child to believe,

when life wasn’t so hard.

Now as an adult… I am lost.

What was the point?

If you did do those things, how does that help us now?

My Mom says, “hunny, it’s to give us hope”…

Hope for what?

2000 years ago, you healed ten lepers.

What does that give me hope for?

How does that help me now?

As a child , the stories were beautiful,

so easy to believe.

Now as an adult … I am lost.

The world is full of

Sickness

Death

Fear

Abuse

War

Lies

Hate

Are we not believing hard enough?

Where are your miracles now?

Now that I am an adult and no longer see with the eyes of a child… I am lost

Like in all good fish stories,

The fish always gets bigger every time the story is told.

Is this how it is with you?

Were you just a man, who loved to help people?

What is story and what is true?

It’s just not that simple anymore and the fish is too big for me.

So now as an adult, what do I hang on to?

What do I believe in…

Dear Jesus… I am lost

Ukrainian Village

Ok so I am officially really busy!! I am now going to school, and still trying to balance all my other roles in life... So my blog is really far down the list of things to do. So right now I'm taking a break from homework and posting some fun pics from our family day!

Today we went to The Ukrainian Village. It was a super hot day, and we all got a little burnt. It was so fun there!! We learned about the Ukrainian people who came to Canada, and how they lived. We had a nice picnic and had a horse and cart ride.

Catching up

Here are some pictures that I took this week.

This weekend was Amelia's Blessing Day! She was so cute in her dress her grandma made. And for a baby she was a pretty good sport for pictures :) I think that will be the last of the easy photo shoots, because she is so close to crawling. So here are a few pics from that day...




Emma had a dance festival today. This was for Jazz. She has her Tap festival on Saturday. I was so proud of her! She smiled so big and danced so well. I wish I could take pictures of her on stage but I risk disqualifying her group if I do. This is her and her friend Brya, before they went on.
Ok last thing. This is what you get when you have a independent, hungry five year old, who can't find any clean cereal bowls and doesn't have a helpful Mommy...